Finally

For Eka:
Five things i want for myself:
1.outstanding grades
2.living on the fast lane
3.someone who doesn't hurt me
4.to always live in serenity :P
5.to be able to complete five solats a day *repent*

Five things i Need:
1.a better life
2.outstanding grades
3.not to depend on others
4.someone whose always there for me-one who comes but never goes :D loves me; and doesn't hurt me.
5.all of the above

i can't think of much because most of the things i really want involves others :] like my Mom, my siblings and animals :DD

For the Survey from Robyn's:
1. At what age you wish to marry?
not too old, not too young (:

2. Will you consider sexual relationships before marriage?
nope.

3. Do you smoke?
smoking is bad-bad. it's a no-no.

4. List out two gifts you'd like to receive now.
can i get good grades?
straight As? :P

5. Who did you text most lately?
currently two-three person that i won't mention who.

6. How old are you?
smitter sixteen

7. What is the latest thing you bought with your own money?
my bunny (:

8. State 3 people of the opposite sex that first comes to your mind. Who will you most likely date?
i can't list, i can't see anyone of the opposite sex in my mind :|

9. Where do you wish to get married ?
God knows

10. How old do you think you will be permanently owned by love?
God knows

11. How many kids do you want?
a cute pair please (:

12. Are you in love?
i don't know. not sure.

13. Where is the latest restaurant you have dinner?
haven't had dinner in a loooong time

14. Name the latest book you bought?
Antony and Cleopatra, haven't gone book shopping in ages.

15. Do you believe in God?
Yes, Allah SWT.

16. Name your favourite game or sport.
Game, DDR, Counter Strike, Guitar Hero. Sports, cheer (:

17. Name the first person that comes into your mind now.
Mummy

18. The most exciting place you want to go?
Water World, Australia.

19. Hugs or Kisses?
definitely Os (:

20.how do u judge sum1? appearance important??
how they treat others, how they approach people and good qualities. then looks (:

21. (BONUS) Point out 5 things about the person who tag you.


I tag ;
Eka
Didie
Kiela
Qila
Rofl :DD

Last night I allmost cried when you told me
That you think you love me more than I love you
Sometimes it hurts to carry that burden alone
Lets be clear and get a few things straight
No ones ever gunna take your place in my heart
Nothing can measure the love that i've got for you
Im telling you

When im out in the club at night
You dont have to worry about a thing
Cuz I aint goin nowhere, I aint goin nowhere,
So my heart is telling me that you are the one
that im gon be with for the rest of my life
And I aint goin nowhere
I know you've heard it all before
You dont have to worry no more
Cuz I aint goin nowhere
Baby just trust me
As long as you love me
I aint never goin nowhere

I was lost and abandoned
Searching for the truth
Looking for that missing one
That missing one was you
The road was so tough
But you gave it up
Untill I found you and you made it
Worth the wait and worth the years
Worth the strength and worth the tears
And you dont know the half of it
But baby heres the rest of it

Did you know that your a gift far brighter than the sun?
Did you know that your a blessing, and im the lucky one
Did you know that I could never ask for a better love
Did you know that I would die, before I broke your heart
Did you know that if you left me, my world would fall apart
And never come back together, baby thats for real
So the next time that you tell me, you'll remember this

When im out in the club at night
You dont have to worry about a thing
Cuz I aint goin nowhere, I aint goin nowhere,
So my heart is telling me that you are the one
that im gon be with for the rest of my life
And I aint goin nowhere
I know you've heard it all before
You dont have to worry no more
Cuz I aint goin nowhere
Baby just trust me
As long as you love me
I aint never goin nowhere

Retardation on Hiatus.

what happen to me while i wasn't updating was:
1# i put on weight like hell,
2# i have the strong urge, desperate urge to grab a guitar,
3# i learnt my Fur Elise and Piano Duet from Corpse Bride, composed by Danny Elfman,
4# i have a new friend :P
5# i sleep a lot that's the reason why (see 6#)
6# i put on weight,
7# i put on weight,
8# i put on weight,
9# i put on weight,
10# just to make it into ten things, I.PUT.ON.WEIGHT.
it's not enough that i get pin-point for my weight problem by people around me.Now i'm letting them gain more satisfactory from it.Pfft. i know la ya'll so skinny right. shut up. sikit-sikit when i say something je, tries to shut me up by talking about my weight issue. so might aswell i don't say or tell anything at all to avoid sakit hati right.

i also gain a few new interest 
1# music, LOL
2# sleeveless long tops that i can wear tights instead of jeans cause i HATE JEANS >:(
3# panda bears and gorillas <3<3<3>:DD



I'm doing this cause Dd has started complaining which means that i have left my blog long enough to get my cbox working ;DD okay, i'm trying to upload something to be posted up but it seems that i forgot my Fileden.com username :P LOL. i'll try to recall but until then, toodles xxx
have to study Add Maths, Chemistry and Physics.

can't.fail.again.urghhh!


i miss Qila, Kiela, Awateef and Umi. A lot. (: the only friend that i still tell everything to is Aravind and the new one. heh. but i need my girlfriends a lot. that's when i turn to Azleen (: other than that, the ones that i see everyday barely knows what's running in my mind now. let's just keep it to that cause i don't know if i could tell them anymore :S and it's like a habit for me to keep losing the people i lovein my life, they keep walking out from me and i don't blame them cause it's always me who is the problem and that i had to change my routines constantly. i tried so hard to change until i barely know what's there to change :|

Mash. Stupid Game.

i was bored to bits and saw this thing, so i played. i put janus's name cause i was chatting with him. LMAO.

In Between My Alveolus.

"in between my alveolus,
there's you who kept my cells oxygenated,
the reason that i'm still inhaling and exhaling,"

how to tell exactly when we fall in love? God knows. Does he just makes you happy all the time you're around him without him even trying? When you think about a guy, he just seems to pop out of your mind? Do you say "ah fuck everything else," when you're risking something big with him? And that you just don't care about everything else? You would try as hard as you could to see him, even for awhile? Does his presence makes you burn with blush, and you can't look him in the eye cause you feel like digging a hole and putting your head in it? And everything that you do seems worth it, especially when it involves him?

"nobody going to love me better,
i must stick with you forever,
nobody could ever make me feel this way,
i must stick with you,"

For the past 10 hours, i had everything come to me in a bang; the moment i felt his touch. the first thing that came up to me was, "i want to be with him," and i've never had that before. and that after years and years of searching what i wanted deep down, and months damaging my head wth it,he just seems to be the answer to it, in every perspective. He makes me want to study hard, and that i'm determined that i could do just about everything all the alpha kids could do, if i would just focus. And that whatever it is that i wanted to be, i don't have to decide now but just do what i have to do now and everything would come as i go along. And as long as his with me all that time, i would be just fine. After i do what i have to do, i could just go with the flow. But the feeling of how he looked at me was surreal. i've never had that before; whether it was just me, God knows. But somehow i feel so flawless in his presence. so flawless that i could just feel the vibe of it. 

"kau adalah darahku,
kau adalah jantungku,
kau adalah hidupku lengkapi diriku,
oh sayang ku kau begitu,
sempurna,"

but most importantly is that i'm willing to risk getting hurt, the one thing that is the last thing i want to get myself into, for him. I've never felt so accepted in my life. And his the reason to everything that's good that i feel right now. Although he isn't mine, i don't mind as long as i have him in my life. He, who promises that i could call him at any time of the day no matter how late it is,if things went wrong but somehow i haven't find out if he keeps it yet. but just promising that he would be there for me, meant the world to me; by keeping it would mean the entire universe. He, who wants to be with me, no matter where and that made me feel so needed; and i feel so alive and humane. And if all these feelings were just my imagination telling me things to make me feel good, to hell with it.

"hate is easy,
love takes courage,"

Mr. Sexy Flaunt Flaunt!

i woke up and waited for my mum to finish cooking so we could go One Utama. so i was studying my Biology while waiting. then she shouted from the kitchen for me whose all the way upstairs. so i went. she asked me to call Kak BB. i was like for what? and she said she wants to go to the kebun with my father, so i had to go to OU and buy my underwear and school uniform and shoe myself with Kak BB. so yeah i did, it was around 10+ when i called Kak BB thank goodness she was just driving out of her house to pick up Fallah. then i quickly bathe and pulled out the nearest top, tube, jeans and sweater i could grab. and stuffed my liquid eye liner, lipgloss, shades, iPOD, camera, phone, and wallet into the first hand bag i see lying around on my study table like nobody's business and then right on time when i went downstairs to ask my mum money, Kak BB and Fallah honked. so i abruptly say "don't forget to pick me up there after kebun cause Kak BB is not coming back Klang and was so sure my mum heard it cause i was SHOUTING. then went in the car and start putting on my necklace and shit. then i saw Aeon and i had a bad feeling that my mum wouldn't remember that i told to pick me up and will say i didn't and so on. and wanted to ask Kak BB to send me to Aeon instead but i was like "there's no good underwear there," then fidgeted all the way to One Utama. we reach there around 11.15pm and felt so baad all the time. Kak Ayu was there. Kak Reen too. at the bowling alley i mean.then lepak for awhile then i went to buy Caramel Frappe but turn out i went to tawaf the whole new wing omg sale everywhere i'm getting a headache. i bought a bag and my underwear in Forever 21 and my lace up espadrilles at Nose. YAY. my grey flats were killing me so i wore the espadrilles instead heh. then when i wanted to go into the toilet at the alley with my phone in hand, just incase who knows my butt got stuck or something, Shine Shane was standing at the doorway and i was waiting for one of his friend to move aside, 
then he was like "eh? eh?"
i was like rempit mana laah ni, then i look up then squinted "i think i know you..."
he was like "sure you do,"
i was like "Is it Shawne or Shane?"
he was like "look at this cute face laaa,"
"err so?"
"shane la,"
"ohhh, what are you doing here?"
"movie with my friends-"
"date ehhh?"
"NOLAH!"
"okaay then," then i turned around instead of going into the toilet and walk towards the big group then he was like,
"i thought you're going to the toilet?"
"oh yeah i forgot, haha. i wanted to wash my hand only," then he followed me until infront of the toilet and asked "where's Robyn?"
and i said "heck i know,"
then he laughed and walked in and called Robyn. then when i walk out we talk some more until he had to leave cause his friends are leaving. then he waved bye bye hahah. then after they announced who won and stuff we went to Old Asia; me, Kak BB, Kak Ayu, Fallah, Abang Bonnie, Kak Timah and her hot bald white guy friend with pecs and buffiness. wtf. and kak i forgot your name heh -__-" then my brother came later after that. and they were kutuking the white guy in malay haha. bodoh. Abang Bonnie just realized i laugh way too much and unnecessarily. LMAO. then me, Kak BB and Kak Ayu went to get my sister's present. i went to this shop called "beadbox" and bought myself an anklet and that velour straps in black, green, yellow and red. then went to Zara. but i slipped out to the Online games convention where McMonmon is watching the Malaysia's WCG in action. omg his so hooott since the last time i saw him. his hair is--- HOT. his face-- Hot. cute butt-- HOT. haha then he was like wanted to hug me cause i was shivering with fear if one of my brother's friends saw us. then walk really close to me and i wanted to go at first but he hold my hand and didn't want to let go and pulled me to the centre of the convention between crowds so my brothers wouldn't see me. heh. his so sweet la :'( i was like gila malas want to leave. cause i lied to Kak Ayu and said i was in the toilet, and she was waiting there like bodoh. -__-" and he was like can't he kidnap me for a few minutes and follow him pick his brother up then come back sigh. your fault you didn't come earlier. if not, we could've spent hours together :| then i complaint about the nasty allergy spots i have and he was like "you takyah mengada complain complain," then i said, "buruk la," then he was like "mengada lebih," then he asked whether i want him to send me home. then i was like i think by the time you come back, i'm going home already. and he was like "WHAATT? kacau lah adik i ni," haha wtf. awwww. shit laa! i miss him already laaa sigh. then i walk towards Zara, then come back to the convention, sneak up behind him and poke him at the side. HEHEH ;DD and quickly walk off to Zara but saw my brothers waiting infront of the toilet for me. my brother suspected something fishy, then i said i went to the toilet before Tommy Hilfigher. where i can't tell whether there is a toilet or not. HAHA. then walked around to find for my sister's present. ended up buying the ugliest present ever! haha. but what a day, meeting my two favourite boy on the last day of my freedom. HAHA. hopefully i score well my monthly test so that i can go again :]

STUPID CAMERA DIED ON ME BABI BABI BAAAABI!
LANSI, CIBYE, KANASAI,NAHBEH, SOHAI, MAHAI.....

Oh, the Agony

i want a darn caramel frappacino with extra caramel sauce and whip cream now, now, now, NOW!

countdown till my hair grow miraculously, luxuriously long... infinity. sigh sigh sigh big time.
oh, i'm up to something against my priorities or whatever people call it. wait till i get back from grocery shopping and bought that open inverted comma thing close inverted comma . *snickers* i've been studyin add maths, biology and chemistry then back again from morning but i do believe nothing was transfered and stored in my brain cause i was watching Perfume: a story of a Murderer and St. Trinians and some other movies on HBO, SMV and CINE and watched an obscene number of Spongebob Squarepants series. I'm waiting for the daily Disney Channel Movie. HEHE.

 

i am most captivated by this book. I can't wait to head to the bookstore and get my hand on a new book that has similar contents as this. i looove historical book especially ones that includes the Egyptian times, the British Colonial times and so forth :] Colleen McCulough has out done herself, i might say ;) i have also developed a high interest in perfumes after watching that movie i mentioned before. and so, i am planning to find books that explains the history about perfumes and gems and diamond. i happen to develope obsessions from tv shows i know. and animal planet has influenced me to reaaally love monkeys and gorillas. they're quiet gentle and nurtured animals, i feel so calm just by looking at they're behaviour. Freak, i know -__-"

Are You Freaking Serious That I Need More Carbs?

i wonder how some teens just have the energy to stay up all night and go to school the next. *sigh* while i can't function on less than 10 hours sleep tops.

some annoying know-it-all high pitched voice in my head is saying, " I know I know!" out of no where.
"It's because they have something that kept them going on,"
what, crack?
"no, teenage love affairs, that they can't sleep at all afraid of being seperated from the other person,"
shut up, those are just crap. you can't buy LV bag with those crap, so i don't need it to stay awake to study.

anyway, that is absurd. i know. HAHA. so yeah, i am desperate to find a way to stay awake and doesn't really need to have 10 hours sleep to function cause 24 hours is seriously not enough and i have a lot to catch up on my studies. *sigh* caffeine doesn't work for me. cause it's either the caffeine or the sugar, i get seriously majorly hyper and start doing things only people on alcohol would do and can't focus on being serious. that made my friends say "i wonder how you would be on alcohol," HAHA ;DD
my parents told me something that is probably going to change my life forever. and i have to leave my friends and have to start from scratch. there are pros and cons from it but somehow, i only have one and a half years left for high school, why i have to start over so late? and having to change to a totally different environment and probably different things to learn and cope with? i hope that it's one of their plans that didn't work out. man oh man :( i don't think i have to tell my friends about it anyway, not that they mind about it. plus i don't think it's going to happen, but somehow the possibility is endless. especially that my dad is determine that he wants to start over, and already had a major long term project at that  particular place. where? i don't think it matters, as long as it's far from here they said and me and my mum used to talk about starting over, getting away from those people and a place that no one knows who we are cause who we are that put our life at stake. hmmpphh. i better not think about it and focus on scoring for my coming test. toodles.